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Galneda

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This is great! I love the style!

The gameplay seems interesting, and the music is good, but the text between gameplay grinds the pace to a halt as it waits for the audience to read a wall of text. The text portion isn't very interesting to look at either, its not very dynamic. The game relies on reading, but the premise is kinda neat. Are there no cutscenes? No promotional artwork or concept art? No words from the creators themselves?

Put some animation into the text, help it match the rhythm of the great music you have here. Add transitions, and this trailer will do better because the game DOES look appealing. The music is fine. This can generate hype for the game if done correctly.

bagofdragonite responds:

Thanks for the advice. I think you're right about having the text be more dynamic in some way. It's on its way to release but that could be implemented as an update potentially.

The game doesn't have much for cutscenes, just cut-screens. We didn't want to give too much away so didn't show much of that in the trailer. I didn't do any concept/promo art as I drew everything off the top of my head. I might do some promo art when we get to the marketing of the game though.

You're right that it would be good to have some words from myself and partner. I haven't seen too many trailers on steam do that but the one's that did felt more engaging that's for sure. Since we have a fanbase from our earlier game it didn't come to mind.

I can't apologize for the text though. That's what our original game was famous for. I didn't have the proper time to put in to the art of Void Pyramid at the time but even though the game lacked on the graphics end of things the story, lore and comedy captured within the walls of the text is what built our initial fanbase. It wouldn't be right to break our fans expectations.

I'm glad you like the music too! I put a lot of time into making tracks that fit each area perfectly. The album can be listened to here: https://bagofdragonite.bandcamp.com/album/alien-squatter-ost-ost

I appreciate all this good advice and will see what I can do in later updates!

lmfao, it caught me off guard and I lol'd. 10 outta 10.

Portimations responds:

Thanks man! :)

I'ma vote to save it because there's some serious knowledge and skill demonstrated in this thing.

It IS hella rough, but it's a pretty good looking rough. Good use of smears, nice easing, you're doing everything right. The only thing that's not clear is what is this action supposed to be? Bulba goes through 3 emotional states, and two of them compliment each other.

Is srs when they get low >:(
Then coy off to the side with a paw up :D
Then elated when they're up on their hind-legs :D with a good swaying emotion.

What is it doing here? Try to watch out and make sure the action reads as you intend it. Great job, can't wait to see what you do next!

She's adorable and she moves splendidly, but I gotta admit, that thumbnail was barely comprehensible when I first saw it.

Which, I guess it did it's job because it made me go "what the hell is this supposed to be" and it made me click, but that might not work for everybody. If that matters at all, I dunno, but she looks and moves wonderfully. Great job!

I didn't like the homophobic slur. It was passable, the song was obnoxious and pitchy, but it was passable until the F-slur. It's completely unnecessary.

Okay, 1/3rd of it is "The End" screen, while Gears of War dialogue plays over it.
The other 1/3rd of it is footage from the game's cutscenes, made monochrome as if it were a flashback.
And the remaining 1/3rd of it is a motion tween of two characters, completely still, while a snow effect plays above. We get an abrupt blood-splatter .png draped across the main character and scenery alike, barely perceptible gibs in the bottom right corner, and I think that's why you called it an "animation" in quotes in your author blurb.

Don't do that to yourself, it's basic, but it is moving in a way. It relies on stock-footage, and the format of the humor seemed to be building up into a subversion, but it didn't quite do that either, did it? Legitimize yourself, own up to it and call it an animation, and start learning and practicing to push yourself into being better if you're serious about doing more of these.

Your character is one facial expression. Stiff as a board, and not emoting. What are we supposed to feel? The famously used Mad World cover is supposed to evoke sadness, but he's stern-faced and pointing a gun at this...abominable snowman? It's not really clear. What is clear is that he's about to shoot him. You understood that there's parts in movies where characters reminisce in the middle of a tense situations and remember events of great loss and emotional turmoil, but it doesn't make sense in the context here. He's just mean-mugging a creature he's about to shoot while remembering friends who have died and the tragedy of the battlefield.

Moving forward, be consistent about the tone you're trying to express.
- Who are we looking at and what are you trying to make us feel?
Do you want us to be sad for him? Show us why it's sad.
Do you want us to root for him to shoot the monster? Show us why we should feel that way?
Do you want us to laugh? Show us something funny.

The fact that he just blasts the yeti offscreen isn't funny, it just punctuates that we've spent time to get to this part of the animation with no payoff. There's no punchline, and that hurts this thing's score.

Step outside of your comfort zone and learn the program by getting your characters to move around and emote a little. You have access to lines of dialogue, surely you could cobble together a lip-sync exercise. Group sections of anatomy in a way that you can manipulate limbs to simulate movement and life.

That's what'll help you learn a bit more about the program. A tween and some stock footage do not make for a very compelling test or exercise or practice...but yes, you very well SHOULD practice.

A book that helped me out in college a lot was Richard William's "Animator's Survival Kit." If you google that for the .PDF you can find it free to read and it's a WEALTH of animation tips and tricks and wisdoms.

Another book that helped with my mental health when it came to creating, and could help you explore further than tweens, is Art & Fear. Again, google for the .pdf, and you should find the entire book for free to read.

Never ever stop. It is possible to make a great animation, and it's within your grasp. You have every tool at your fingertips. Good luck.

OZTNIZDASHT responds:

Wow. This is some really helpful criticism. Thank you! Still trying to learn tweens, symbols, etc.

This had potential to be so much more if you just pushed a little further. It was a really strong cold open, the guy peeking around the corner was interesting at first, but then it just kinda..looped.

Its as if you didn't know where to go with it or how to end it, so you just kinda...***phoned it in?****

Hah! Because the dialup.

It was frustrating a little bit, because the atmosphere was good, and those first two sequences look good, and that creepy droning going on in the background is doing all the work for you- because as its intensifying, seeming like its building up to something, everything cops out by throwing a filter around wallboy or stacking the lamp clicking hands over each other.

It felt like a doodle. "Whats this setting do? Oh. It flips my hand graphic horizontally. Whats this do? Oh, it stacks images of the lamp internally atop of each other."

Which is fine. I just want to see what you can do if you exerted more creative energies into things. You're doing things differently, and it looks interesting and cool.

Mission Accomplished! What's next?

SushiMaker3000 responds:

Thank you for your criticism. I made this as a joke for my friends. No real thought went into this.
I will put effort into the next thing I make for here.

Thank you again

I am absolutely in love with the stylization of this. What softwares did you use in order to make it look so Playstation 1 era 3D rendering? I'd love to know your process, I see that you tagged it with Blender, but I want to learn as much as possible if you would be so kind. The atmosphere is foreboding and effective, and I think it's great. You did a wonderful job with this, as short as it was.

EtherealSnake responds:

Well I indeed used blender to make this animation, I tried to emulate the ps1 aesthetic by going with a low polygon count, a low render resolution (320x240) and low res texture with some dithering. I hope it answers some of your questions.

DUUUUUDE!!!! This is extremely cool! I want to see more complex movements, I want to see more of the monster blending seemlessly in the environment! More creepy shit!

The actual final attack was a little underwhelming because we saw so little of it in-between the cameraman standing, and the cameraman knocked prone- but goddammit you had me on the edge of my seat. I loved this.

Dor-Bar responds:

What an awesome comment!
You should check the stop motion game we're working on, Tiny Money
The trailer is also uploaded here, I bet you'll love it.

-This is Phobotech!-
I've done animatics for Cyanide & Happiness, Purgatony, and WWE Storytime! I'm also a voice actor that's performed roles in One Piece, Gundam: Witch from Mercury, & Smite!
Check out my sci-fi novel, Umbra's Legion on Amazon Kindle!

Geoff Galneda @Galneda

Age 37, Male

Voice Actor/Animator

Collin College

Denver, CO

Joined on 9/22/03

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