It's not my favorite flavor of metal, but I recognize that it's difficult to do. I certainly couldn't pull this shit off, but I don't particularly seek out or prefer this vocalization style. I'm not familiar with reels that specialize in this vocal style, but I fathom it would be more useful to demonstrate your ability to announciate lyrics than it is to destroy your throat for 48 seconds going through the vowels.
Like, if a band you particularly like has a verse that you like, wouldn't it be a more worthwhile field test to demonstrate how you would throw your inflection behind performing those lyrics? I think what you have here is too vague, and honestly it sounds kinda painful. Are you sure you're not fucking up your throat with how you're doing this? Is that even a concern?
It makes me think of Henry Rollins talking about seeing a throat doctor and he was looking at his throat and all his problems he was going through and he's just like "my god, how many packs a day do you smoke?" and he's like none, but I'm a singer for a band, and he hooked him up with some of his music and the doctor's like jesus christ man, what are you doing to yourself
A reel should demonstrate to a potential client, or in your case, a band you might want to perform with, your range. Your versatility. I don't think there's a lot of opportunity for you to put on "The Grudge" rattle from the 32 second mark. And while that last monster-over at the end was cool, I don't understand how you'd have an opportunity to do that in a set. Then again, maybe in these genres I'm unfamiliar with, that's a thing and a popular thing...or maybe it's not a popular thing and you're trying to do something different, but from an outside perspective, I think you could benefit from going about your reel in a different way.
A more technical way that demonstrates the complexities of your instrument, which is your voice. More surgical, less fire-hose. More prepared, and less off-the-cuff. Sentient, not primal. This will come with practice, this will come with realizing and honing down exactly what you want to do with these skills. I think you're onto something, and this represents a humble beginning into something that could turn into much more than this reel with a lot of research, practice, and networking.