A week ago I was having a lot of anxiety that all seemed to be piling up at once. I want to assure y'all that most of it has been resolved or its on a healthier track...I've had plenty of enlightening, valuable real-talks with a lot of you guys and family and friends, and I really cherish the feedback I received.

• I was struggling with maintanence on my motorcycle, and through trouble-shooting, researching, and funding every part that I needed with commissions, using my art to actually cover every cost necessary, I jacked my bike up, took it apart, learned about how it works, replaced a couple of parts, and now its working perfectly fine again. I am mobile! Last night was a successful cross-city test ride, and it worked just like I remembered it. I didn't mess up...and thats a relief... (If you wanted to know, the battery kept turning up dead when I tried to start it. It turned out to be the voltage regulator/rectifier, even though I also, mistakenly, replaced the Stator, which is a significantly more difficult part to even get to...the stress was high, but I guess I have a spare Stator, and now everything works.) I had been down without my motorcycle for almost three weeks...it is my only vehicle.
• Possibly from the stress of dealing with the Stator difficulty and my own self-doubt in the task, my lymph nodes began to enflame a little more than a week ago. Like an idiot, I self-diagnosed myself through WebMD and OHMIGOSH, CANCER OH NOOOESS...lol, so I stressed myself out with the possibility of might having cancer. This was foolish.
• Then my buddy from out of town came to visit, handed us out wedding invitations, and we all got pretty crunk. I did what I usually did and drove home drunk (in a car that was not mine). My buddy got arrested for driving drunk, and well...not to make his misfortune about me, but it was a bit of a wake up call...I was wrought with guilt over the whole ordeal, both what happened to him and what I did. He's fine, he wound up driving home the next day, a little embarrassed but healthy. It got me thinking what if he had died? What if I got pulled over, what if I died? What if he or I killed somebody? And it all culminated to a general disgust with alcohol after five years of pretty consistent and excessive drinking.

    I hate to admit that last night, (the test voyage of the motorcycle, post maintanence) I had two shots of whiskey with my buddies that still drink. Didn't even really do anything for me, which is only solidifying my position on the matter...while my best friend assured me, "you don't have to QUIT, you just gotta learn to pace yourself and ration it...not go over the top" I'm of the opinion that if I'm gonna drink, its either going to be all or nothing...and with the embarrassment that I am when its "all", I'd just as soon stick with nothing.

    But what did come out of the conversation with my best friend came down to goals and making something of our lives. I spend far too much time on the internet...facebook is a waste of time, youtube is a waste of time...all of the webcomics that I read while no attention is paid to the webcomics I want to make...the ones that I have the ability to write and create, ink and color and script. Instead of animating, I'm reading Cracked articles. Instead of studying for my solo certification, I'm posting on the BBS. Instead of making steady income, I'm scrolling through the endlessness that is Tumblr. Or I'm fapping.

    I'm probably fapping.

    And this is nothing new...I've had similar self critical complaints about myself for years of my life, but it always seemed like "Ah fuckit, well I'll go drink with my buddies, play some vidya games, and subject each other to things we saw on the internet." ...and that just won't cut it anymore....and I think the only thing thats keeping my head up is I have a range of goals to pursue. That I CAN pursue, and I can reach.

    Its difficult to describe, and its probably not even that big of a deal like I'm making it out to be, but the successful dissassembly, adjustments, replacements, and reassembly of the functional motorcycle that I've wrecked on twice thats still my faithful steed...still riding like the day I got her...it really did something wonderful for my self esteem, because it debunked a huge chunk of that doubt that I carry around my neck...and having such positive feedback from those that I surround myself with, including y'all, is just...thats really valuable. That albatross fell into the sea these past couple of days, and its instilled a certainty within me that I can succeed.
    Cutting out the drinking is the first step. Losing weight will be a gradual process over time...now that I have a set of wheels of my own at beck and call, there's really no more excuses for procrastinating what needs to be done. To create and to work. I would be at my happiest if I were being productive while flexing muscles that were my talents, or honing skills that I cherish.
    I'll be sure to post what I create here. Hoping to get much more use out of these news posts, and actually start submitting content again...I've said that for the longest time, and the only way to prove that its different is by doing it. I really thank you for your support, and hey, if you haven't already, click that top right <3 icon to follow me...I'm 6 away from 300 and thats a milestone for me!